


One Last Kiss

by orphan_account



Category: Marvel, Marvel (Movies), Thor (Movies), Thorki - Fandom
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst, Boys Kissing, Brothers, M/M, Pseudo-Incest, Sad, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death, Thorki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-28
Updated: 2014-06-28
Packaged: 2018-02-06 13:20:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1859535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short little story about Loki and Thor.<br/>Rated T because there's a curse word</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Last Kiss

**Author's Note:**

> All the times Thor and Loki kissed (and a few they didn't).  
> I don't really know how I feel about this one.

They are seven years old when they first kiss, sitting under Idunn’s tree and talking of how they would be best friends and brothers forever, no matter what. Loki proclaims his brotherly love for Thor and Thor reasons that if they love each other, they’re supposed to kiss, because that’s what the grownups do. It’s innocent and sweet and they taste like apples, and for a moment they’re frozen, overcome by things that they don’t yet understand.

The next time, they are twelve and Thor has Loki pinned down in the battlefield during practice. He can’t believe how pretty his little brother looks lying there in the mud, raven hair sprawled out and cheeks flush. He kisses him and Loki gladly agrees, because his brother is the golden prince, the crown jewel of Asgard and everyone loves him, Loki included. It’s different somehow, more savage. Thor’s mouth presses harder this time and Loki finds himself pulling away for air. It’s a peace treaty, and they don’t fight again.

Then they are fifteen and coming into themselves, searching for identity and a part to play. It’s obvious that Thor is the popular one, surrounded by friends and fellow warriors, while Loki is sitting alone in the shade. Thunderstorms rage outside in the night, and Loki is afraid of them. They find themselves sleeping together in the same bed they once shared as children, talking late into the night and they whisper empty promises of indifference. They’re just brothers, it doesn’t mean anything. Then they kiss, scared and unsure, and it stops everything. It’s dirty, and it’s wrong, but Loki can’t help but to feel safe when his brother is lying next to him, warm and breathing steadily, arms wrapped around his little brother tight.

Loki tries to forget about those good memories as he and Thor grow apart. He finds it easier to carry on if he reminisces on the bad times; when they fought and when they shouted things they didn’t mean. They’re eighteen and Thor is courting every maiden in Asgard, and each time Loki sees his brother sneak into his chambers with the next girl, it stings as though it’s the first time. They practice together in the battlefield, although rarely, and Loki tries his best to ignore the fact that Thor has grown into his body exquisitely, all rippling muscles and suntanned skin. Loki himself is still a young boy in a man’s disguise, never comfortable in his own body. He’s tall and pale and feminine, and in battle, when the others rely on weapons and strength, Loki depends on his magic and his intelligence. His isolation only grows. Thor finds him crying in his room one day, and he is oblivious to these struggles. He asks Loki why he is sad, and his brother flies upon him, nearly bruising his lips as he kisses him angrily. Suddenly he is gone in a cloud of green smoke, and Thor does not see him again for months. They are merely minutes in the life of an Asgardian, but it surely feels like years.

Thor is being crowned king and Loki feigns a smile, all glossy eyes and thin lips. He knew all along that this would be the course of their life. Thor is going to be leader, although he is so, so stupid, and although he won’t have even the slightest idea of what he’s doing, he’ll be remembered as Asgard’s finest warrior and prince. He’ll start a family and have sons of his own. Meanwhile Loki will remain on the outskirts, always there but never noticed, unspecial and insignificant. His part has always been to stand beside Thor, to be the cold, dark night to Thor’s warm and loving sun. Now it seems that Asgard no longer requires the contrast. Thor finds Loki dangling his legs off of the castle’s highest balcony one night and asks him what he thinks he’s doing. _Making room for Asgard’s newest king,_ Loki whispers before jumping off the ledge, and Thor swoops down to save him. _You blasted fool_ , Thor screams as he kisses his fragile little brother, and this time it’s making up for all the times they never did.

Thor has moved on. He’s in Midgard now and he’s found a lovely woman. He stays on his precious earth and Loki watches his brother from afar, heart aching, filled with words he didn’t say. He sees the way Thor looks at Jane, so fond and familiar, and remembers the days that his brother gazed upon him that way. It hurts and Loki never wants to see him again. He vows to prove himself worthy, to show his father that he can be just as good a king - he is not the monster that parents tell their children about at night, or at least not yet. When he destroys the Jötuns, then they shall see the things he’s capable of, and never will he have to prove himself again. He can be a ruler and move on with his life, and he’ll never have to worry about the awful emotions that have slowed him down so intensely in the past. But then, as he’s destroying his own birth realm, Thor comes once again to save the day. Loki cries when he forces his brother to fight him, to make himself no longer feel love for Thor again, and he realizes that he’s crazy, truly fucking crazy. Thor destroys the Bifröst and Loki’s dangling on the edge of not just the rainbow bridge, but of his own sanity, and he lets go. He does not get a kiss goodbye.

Thor tries his best to forget his brother as he continues with his life, although it is very, very hard. Still, every time he conjures thunder, every time he hears the rain, he thinks of the nights they spent huddled together under the covers, holding each other tight until the storms passed. He has no one to help him through this storm. Odin is cold, informing Thor that Loki was never his brother at all, but a frost giant, and Thor screams that it doesn’t matter, Loki was his brother and Odin’s son. Frigga too shares Thor’s grief, but she doesn’t understand his sorrow. She was not there to watch her son fall off of the edge of the world, tears in his eyes. Loki killed himself because he didn’t think he was good enough, and Thor feels personally responsible for it. That is why when he hears that Loki is still alive, causing mischief on earth, he nearly falls over in tears of joy. His brother is alive, breathing, and Thor intends to never let him feel not good enough ever again.

His brother is not well. He’s dangerous now, aware of his own power. As they stand on the mountaintop, Thor realizes just how far Loki has fallen. Thor wants to pick him up and scream at him – does he not remember those nights they lay awake, helping each other through the storm? Loki remembers only his own flaws, only the times that Thor left him to celebrate his latest victory, one that Loki was not part of. He remembers a shadow; nights spent alone in the darkness, tear stains and bloody scars. He remembers none of the good things, for he has purposely pushed the memories out. He will no longer be hurt by his love of his brother. Loki tries to kill him twice, but Thor comes back every time. It’s impossible to escape.

Loki is in the dungeon and his mother is dead. Never before has he felt this kind of pain. He screams until his throat is sore, and then he cries. It’s all my fault, he thinks, repeating the phrase over and over in his head. Thor is temporarily forgotten, which is why it hurts all the more when he returns. Loki puts up a front, a strong shield to protect himself from admitting his pain, but of course Thor sees straight through. He is able now to see the new lows to which his brother has crawled, and Loki is too weak to care. Then, for the first time in his life, Thor asks Loki for help and he gladly accepts. They fight together, for possibly the last time. Loki feigns his death and his heart breaks when he sees his brother’s blue eyes rimmed with tears. What remains of his soul shatters as he hears his brother cry out. But he needs this. He has to be king. No longer is anything else an option. And a tear escapes his eyes as his brother leans down, planting one last bittersweet kiss to his cold lips.


End file.
